Wednesday, January 5, 2011

How To Plan a Wedding When No One Cares About Your Wedding

What do you do when you find yourself planning a wedding without a breathlessly excited, overly invested, or frustratingly micromanaging audience of family, friends, and bridesmaids? What do you blog, bitch, moan, or complain about when no one will be annoyed, insulted, or even overly concerned about what you have going on at any moment of the day or night?

It's a conundrum.

There is a weird tension at play too. No bride, groom, partner, whatever . . . wants to be all "pay attention to ME AND ONLY ME!" because

1. That would be ridiculous

2. We are way too cool to be those kind of people, or

3. We are so much cooler than those kind of people because we have made a socially conscious decision to reject consumerism and strike a decisive blow against the wedding industrial complex. It's one small step for the marriage-minded and a giant leap for feminism and equality and faux-to booths and all that jazz. (Guilty)

At the same time, we are totally, "HEY, seriously, PAY ATTENTION TO ME!" Because the reality is that this is an exciting moment and we want someone to be as caught up, swept away, and transported as we are. Becoming engaged and getting married in an atmosphere of "eh, whatever" is not for the faint of heart.

How do you avoid giving in to despair?

1. Remember it's About YOU (that would be the royal YOU including your significant other). If no one is bothering to get all up in the mix YOU can make your wedding any flavor of Kool-Aid that YOU like. And damn the torpedoes.

2. Keep it a Savory Secret. Don't talk about the wedding. Maybe this should have been the first rule in the style of Fight Club. Don't offer up details about the wedding, your plans, your budget, your flowers, your honeymoon, etc. to people who haven't asked for them or shown anything other than superficial interest. You won't get your feelings hurt by their inattention and if they are a guest, they'll be pleasantly surprised. More to the point, there is something strangely satisfying about having a secret, knowing things that no one else knows.

3. If you can't keep it a secret, Rely on the Kindness of Strangers. There are people who are dying to get excited with you. Most of them are probably trying to sell you something. Let the florists, bridal consultants, make up artists, etc. gush over you. If what you really want is an audience to bask in every blessed detail these are folks who are paid for the privilege and are likely more into it than you would think.

4. Indulge in Fantasy Revenge Scenarios. "Oh, you wouldn't care to hear about the wedding or grovel before the magnificence of my engagement ring? Well. . . when YOU get married and have your firstborn child I won't allow my as yet unborn children to attend their birthday parties. How would you like that?"

5. Get Busy. I like to sulk and brood and whine as much as the next person. It's fun for a little while but then it gets boring. Then I quote a lot of vaguely related film and literature to get myself back in the groove. "Get busy living or get busy dying."* Or, "If we were all beauties, who would do the work?"**

Because you are planning a wedding. . . and that means there is always something to do.***

*Shawshank Redemption. Who says that movie has no place in a wedding post?
**Rebecca Dew in Anne of Windy Poplars. What can I say, us flighty types adore sensible women.
***And you can always meet like-minded individuals on wedding blog message boards and forums.

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