I'm Not A Suit Revisited

As I nattered about at length earlier, I'm just not the suit type.  I'm short through the torso and have I mentioned my bodacious rack and T Rex arms?  It's just not a good look for me. 

For my second interview, I decided not to go the costume route.  AND I didn't torture my hair into submission either.  I had to let the fro run free and I felt so much better for it.  I also had a truly banging hair day that I failed to take pictures of because I am not a Legitimate Blogger.

In an effort to redeem myself and to look like a legitimate blogger who is somewhat down with the technology, I decided to put together an astonishingly better version of what I wore on Polyvore.  The colors and the composition are the same but y'all already know J. Crew does not make things that fit me and even if they did-I wouldn't buy them.  That dress is 90 bucks.  I bet you even have to iron it.

Sourced from my Polyvore

J Crew j crew dress
jcrew.com

H m blazer
$47 - hm.com

Round toe pumps
payless.com

Gray handbag
target.com

My real life version was a dark pink cap sleeve dress with the same neckline and about the same length with a black three quarter sleeve blazer, those exact shoes, and a less expensive black target bag.  I really would prefer this H&M jacket-it's fitted and has a much cleaner line.  A better blazer would go a long way towards solving some angst.

I also wore some ugly pantyhose because my mind literally shut down when I tried to think about shaving my legs. 

Keep Pushing

I didn't get the first job.  It's okay and I'm okay.

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I did get something else out of the experience that has really made the whole process worthwhile.  I remember sitting in student teaching seminar listening to my other classmates get emotional about how they finally feel like they have discovered the thing in life that they were meant to do.

I didn't feel that.

I was ambivalent.  I wanted to teach, but I wanted to teach because I felt I needed to be a teacher to be an ally and an advocate for students like me, poor, female, and of color.  I wondered if I was being too sensitive about my student teaching experience.  Maybe I was projecting.

Ultimately, I don't think so.  I don't think I was imagining the unwillingness to talk about the reality of teacher bias or the dynamics of race in schools in seminar either.  I picked my focus districts purposefully.  I wanted to live and work in a district where the demographics of the student body demands a different approach, where the progress and positivity narrative had to be applied to students of color if only because there were no other options.

I guess you can tell practicum was pretty harrowing.

I brought all of that up to say this . . . . I didn't feel what I thought I would feel sitting in seminar with my classmates.

I feel it whenever I approach the city for a job interview, when I'm sitting in the car in the parking lot, when I'm forcing myself to breathe in the office.  I mentioned before that I have very little experience with wanting anything this much.  That sick feeling in the belly, the butterflies, the anxious excitement. . . . totally make it all worth it.

Thoughts On The Interview

I wore my plain three button, three quarter sleeve black suit with an electric blue shell underneath and some black pumps.

One of the other candidates wore this. . .

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It was even more awesome in person.  The interview bar has been raised.

I wish I could report that I rocked the interview, that my natural awesomeness was glaringly, blindingly obvious, and that they offered me the job on the spot.

Totally didn’t happen.

I was pretty authentically me which I was pleased about.  However, I honestly have no idea how it went.  My perspective on this issue is completely shot.

• As far as I could tell, they interviewed at least seven people for the position.  Most of them lived in Savannah or went to Armstrong or lived nearby and at least three were certified in multiple areas and two had previously taught in private schools. 
• The interviews were running an hour or so late.
• My cell phone alarm went off in the beginning, but the principal's phone kept going off too so I don't feel so bad about that.
• I handed over a print portfolio and they all actually looked through it so that's gratifying.
• They asked me if I would be willing to relocate but I don't know if that means enough to justify getting my hopes up.
• I was interviewed by a three person panel which is always tricky.  I think I did a good job making eye contact with everyone. 
• The group dynamic was really nice.  I got the impression that they all work really well together and that they support one another. 
•  I thought I asked some really nice questions that came with the kind of answers that had the unfortunate side effect of making me want to throw myself on my knees and go "pick me, pick me, pick me.  PLEASE!" 

They also love their students and that really comes across as well.  The neighborhood the school sits in has its challenges, but the school itself is such a place of positivity.  I just want to soak that in.

I told Wes that I’ve never been this nervous before a job interview before, like maybe-going-to-toss-my-cookies-in-the-Kroger-parking-lot nervous.  That’s probably because I never interviewed for a job I wanted so badly before.  I can’t explain it but when we drove though that part of the city yesterday I felt this overwhelming desire to make it my place.

I won’t know until I know how it really went-but here’s hoping.

I'm Not a Suit. . . I'm an Artist!

I'm trying to decide what to wear to my job interview and I am torn between what I will probably wear and what I want to wear.

Behold: an infographic . . . .

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The consensus on appropriate job interview attire for a teaching position is that one must wear a suit of some kind.  This seems somewhat counterintuitive because suits are boring and while teaching, I always strive not to be boring. 

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This is much classier and probably better quality than anything I own, but this would blend into the beige background of your average career fair.

Oh the conformity!

You get the idea, lol

I just don't like suits.  I don't feel like myself in a suit.  Correction, I feel like myself dressing up to play the role of someone else and I'm not that great an actor

Source

Added to that, I don't think I have enough length in my neck or my torso to really pull the look off.  Though now that I think about it, this cat is looking rather dapper.

What would I rather wear?

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How about a little color?  How about something that I might conceivably choose to wear that also looks professional and put together?

Source

The white loafers in this ensemble are probably advanced style and I'm not ready for that.  But, that is a really nice bag and it is kind of reminiscent of chalkboard.  I think that is a charming juxtaposition for a teacher job interview.

I think these clothes would be memorable in a good way.

But . . . . that's just what I think.  And the consensus seems to sway in the other direction.  So black suit, bright shell, and conservative bun it will be.

Unless I get brave.

PS-Google searches are like Easter egg hunts.  A search for "teacher interview attire for women"led to this.  Chubby vampires, lol.

Timing Out Revisited

Friends, I made a decision.

I wish it was a hard one but it really wasn't.  I quit my job.  Just to illustrate what a non-event the actual moment was . . .  I called in to work and said, "I won't be coming in tonight.  Or any other night to work.  I just can't handle it and there aren't any workable options for me."  Response . . . "can you call back later and talk to the AST?"

Yup.  A giant whatever to the decision that I've been stressing and agonizing about.
 
No one asked me but I may as well lay it out.  The realities of my schedule were not going to allow me to work the twenty plus hours a week that I was scheduled.  I attempted to talk to my manager about it . . .  her contribution? "Well, you can be late but you'll term yourself."

Helpful that.

More to the point, there is so much pressure in retail and in this particular case, if you didn't make 110 % of your sales goal than the implication is that you really haven't done shit.  If your goal was 10,000 and you only sold 8,000 why do you suck so hard?  If your goal was 10,000 and you only sold 10,000 . . . why do you suck so hard?!

An inordinate amount of my blog posts could already be labeled FAIL--did I really need that kind of pressure in my life?

My sales weren't great and I wasn't the best at convincing customers to open a store credit account.  I got shuffled from one department to another where I continued to be not that great at my job.  Did I help customers? Well yeah.  Did I have good customer service skills?  Well sure.  Did those things matter?  Not in the least.

And the clincher . . . working in a children's department is the most powerful birth control known to man.  Working this job has made me change my mind about wanting to have children.  It wasn't even the kids themselves.  Kids are great.  I'm convinced though, that something about having them turns their parents into self-righteous, pretentious, snobby, racist, entitled assholes. 

That's not me.

So I decided to quit.  No one at the old workhouse seems overly concerned so I think I made the right decision.

Timing Out

There have been a lot of changes around the old new Ponderosa lately.  We moved, I started summer school . . .  and Wes got a part time job! These things are all pretty awesome.

The not so awesome?

Wes starts his job next week and I also still work part time--across town.  I've been making it to work on time but barely . . . and this is only because Wes picks me up outside of my classroom building and whisks me away to my gig.  We won't be able to maintain that though.  Why?

We have been a one car family for nearly a year now.

I thought it would be a pain in the ass not having a car of my own.  Instead, I've found it incredibly liberating.  No car, no insurance, no gas . . . money that can be spent on other things.  We only needed one since Wes was in class full time and I was the only one working.  Things will be different now.  We will both be working similar hours and I don't know how possible it would be for me to make it to work on time throughout most of the week.

Additionally, there hasn't been much time to finish homework or finish unpacking . . . and nothing left over to work on the wedding.  Since I work most evenings in a week, it's pretty much go, go, go on classwork from 6 a.m. on. 

I just don't know how to make this work or even if eight dollars an hour is even worth this much angst.