Silhouettes: Dressing the Body I Have

One thing I really struggle with is the challenge of dressing my body and my body's inability to mold itself like Playdoh to the appropriate shape for whatever I happen to want to wear at the moment.  On a practical level I have been addressing this by focusing on my health.  

On an impractical level I still want to be  seven feet tall which in my mind would make all my shit proportional and awesome.  No fuss, no muss.  So . . . 

Lately I have been tackling this issue with the much more reasonable approach of thoughtful shopping.  I know, I know.  I'm really not in the position to purchase anything right now-being unemployed and essentially homeless.  

This is actually perfect for thoughtful shopping.  

You see, I am the shopper salespeople love to see coming.  I will buy shit if you complement me just to be nice even when I know it looks like shit.  I will pay money for things I don't want or need just to get you to leave me alone.*

Being mostly unemployed and mostly homeless actually works to my advantage because I can just say no without guilt or remorse.  I can browse and even try on with the comfort of conscience that I totally would buy if I could.**

I stopped in at Avenue and tried on this dress.

Source: avenue.com via Andrea on Pinterest

It is a web exclusive and the only reason it was in the store is because someone returned it.  All the other dresses in the store had that surplice top or faux wrap thing going on.  Both of those styles make my tits look like basketballs.  

This dress didn't have that going for it so I figured what the hell.

Friends. . . you guys . . . .  This dress, with it's crew neck, sleeves, drop waist, and full pleated skirt is the One.  

• I had a waist in this dress.  
• My fat back did not swallow the belt in this dress.  
• I did not look short in this dress.  
• The dress did not look like it was swallowing me.  
• I was kind of hot in this dress.  
• And most importantly-I did not look top heavy in this dress.

This is like a pulling the sword from the stone moment.  I just hope you can appreciate it. 

Let's check the tally. . . .

Things that DON'T work:

• Empire waists

• Surplice tops

• Wrap tops/dresses

Things that DO work:

• Tank dresses

• Scoop necks

• V necks

• Drop waists

• Full skirts

*Now that I've armed you with this knowledge the only ethical thing to do is to keep your Girl Scouts and Mary Kay people away from me.  

**I do still rehang all of my clothing though.  I can't be the dick who leaves it all on the dressing room floor for someone else to clean up.

I'm Not A Suit Revisited

As I nattered about at length earlier, I'm just not the suit type.  I'm short through the torso and have I mentioned my bodacious rack and T Rex arms?  It's just not a good look for me. 

For my second interview, I decided not to go the costume route.  AND I didn't torture my hair into submission either.  I had to let the fro run free and I felt so much better for it.  I also had a truly banging hair day that I failed to take pictures of because I am not a Legitimate Blogger.

In an effort to redeem myself and to look like a legitimate blogger who is somewhat down with the technology, I decided to put together an astonishingly better version of what I wore on Polyvore.  The colors and the composition are the same but y'all already know J. Crew does not make things that fit me and even if they did-I wouldn't buy them.  That dress is 90 bucks.  I bet you even have to iron it.

Sourced from my Polyvore

J Crew j crew dress
jcrew.com

H m blazer
$47 - hm.com

Round toe pumps
payless.com

Gray handbag
target.com

My real life version was a dark pink cap sleeve dress with the same neckline and about the same length with a black three quarter sleeve blazer, those exact shoes, and a less expensive black target bag.  I really would prefer this H&M jacket-it's fitted and has a much cleaner line.  A better blazer would go a long way towards solving some angst.

I also wore some ugly pantyhose because my mind literally shut down when I tried to think about shaving my legs. 

I'm Not a Suit. . . I'm an Artist!

I'm trying to decide what to wear to my job interview and I am torn between what I will probably wear and what I want to wear.

Behold: an infographic . . . .

Source

The consensus on appropriate job interview attire for a teaching position is that one must wear a suit of some kind.  This seems somewhat counterintuitive because suits are boring and while teaching, I always strive not to be boring. 

Source

This is much classier and probably better quality than anything I own, but this would blend into the beige background of your average career fair.

Oh the conformity!

You get the idea, lol

I just don't like suits.  I don't feel like myself in a suit.  Correction, I feel like myself dressing up to play the role of someone else and I'm not that great an actor

Source

Added to that, I don't think I have enough length in my neck or my torso to really pull the look off.  Though now that I think about it, this cat is looking rather dapper.

What would I rather wear?

Source

How about a little color?  How about something that I might conceivably choose to wear that also looks professional and put together?

Source

The white loafers in this ensemble are probably advanced style and I'm not ready for that.  But, that is a really nice bag and it is kind of reminiscent of chalkboard.  I think that is a charming juxtaposition for a teacher job interview.

I think these clothes would be memorable in a good way.

But . . . . that's just what I think.  And the consensus seems to sway in the other direction.  So black suit, bright shell, and conservative bun it will be.

Unless I get brave.

PS-Google searches are like Easter egg hunts.  A search for "teacher interview attire for women"led to this.  Chubby vampires, lol.

Fashion Challenges

Back to business as usual then?

Right.

My wardrobe needs serious supplementation.   I have observation and tutoring to prepare for and I would like to halt my descent into schlubbiness as quickly as possible.  (Sweatpants and t-shirts are the devil.  They are so comfortable and they just lure you in.) 

I want to really move out of my comfort zone this season so I decided to set myself a few fashion challenges.

Fashion Challenge Number One: Makeup
I love playing with makeup but I rarely wear it.  I have decided that I want to begin working on my face on weekends so I can discover what works best for me and any egregious errors won't matter much.

Fashion Challenge Number Two: Tucking In
I have this irrational fear of tucking in shirts.  I feel like it somehow accentuates my largest part, my belly, and that it looks unattractive.  At the same time, I really like the look of higher waisted skirts and pants and I wonder if I could pull something like that off.

Fashion Challenge Number Three: Tall Boots
First, I discovered on Manolo for the Big Girl that Duo boots is offering free international shipping right now.  I kind of hate that I wasted so much cash on the wedding!  Duo makes fitted shoes, many that accommodate the wider calfed of us.  I want a decent pair of knee boots and maybe even go crazy with some over the knee numbers.

Fashion Challenge Number Four: Dresses, Skirts, and Tights
I pretty much live in pants but I have a growing appreciation for dresses and skirts.  I also love the idea of colorful tights. 

Fashion Challenge Number Five: Accessorizing
I never do this, but I think I should.  I have the notion that this is how you make style really personal.  I need to develop mine.

So these are my fashion challenges for fall.  I'm excited to see how it goes-and also how I'm going to accomplish it on a budget!

Fall Wardrobe Planning-Pattern Board

I decided to plow through my pattern stash.  All of these have been cut but I haven't done much more than that.

Most photos from patternreview.com

I was thinking sewing up a bunch of knits for comfort-the too tight capris I wore today has made that a much more attractive option.  However, a lot of my patterns call for wovens.  Hmm.  We'll see how this goes.

Other first impressions include lots of dresses.  I do see some things with promise though.

I have a weakness for a nice jumper.  Something about it says kindergarten teacher to me-don't know why.  I also like the peasent style blousiness I see up there.  One includes tucks, a cool pleating detail I love, while another is a more streamlined version.  The pants that are included have wider legs which I appreciate.  That Cynthia Rowley dress could make a cool combination with the leggings.  I think there are possibilities here-along with some patternless projects that could look really good.

I think the bones are here to construct whatever clothing piece I've been lusting after.  It's a good spot to start from.

Planning a Wardrobe

I am obsessed with sewing blogs.  I have a handful that I visit daily, and that handful has links to even more, and so on and so forth. 

While cruising my regular rounds, I came across this post on Diary of a Sewing Fanatic.  I love her blog and I highly recommend it.  This particular post was about planning a wardrobe of separates for the fall.  Specific details in choosing and sewing six pieces that work together are here.

I am intrigued.  I am also in need of a wardrobe since I will be doing my observation block for my teaching program this fall.  I also have plenty of patterns to work with.

Here are the guidelines as laid out by Stitcher's Guild member ejvc:

"The point of these sew-alongs is to create the bones of a mix-and-match handmade wardrobe.  The pace is relatively slow (two items a month) to allow you also to add the fun items that aren't the bones.  The ideal pieces for this collection are BORING pieces that you wear EVERY DAY.  These pieces in your wardrobe need to be beautifully fit, beautifully finished, and made with wonderful fabric.  In order to work as separates they should be in a very limited colour palette -- I suggest for autumn this is one or two dark neutrals, one light neutral, and one colour.  Good neutrals to pick are neutrals echoed in your hair colour; good colours are in your skin and eyes; but probably you have your own favourite colours.

The pieces are maximised for layering:

ONE jacket -- neutral
ONE bottom (skirt or trousers, though for autumn, I like trousers) -- dark neutral if you're pear-shaped, lighter if you carry weight on top
TWO underlayer tops, one ideally in a print combining your colours, one in a contrast neutral
TWO overlayer tops, one coloured, one neutral
and possibly
ONE more bottom -- skirt if you've done trousers, trousers if you've done a skirt, or a dress if you like them"

I've never consciously shopped for a wardrobe before so I think this will be an instructive exercise all around.

As far as a color palette for my basics, I was thinking black-of course, dark grey, pale grey/silver, and shades of blue and purple.

What do you think? 

Elements of Style

As I progress in my academic program I find myself wondering more and more . . .

What does one wear to student teach?

I'm sure one reason I'm obsessed on this point is that I am very nervous about my first forays into the classroom.  Worrying about style is less threatening.  I am very concerned about the educational job market.  Worrying about how to dress authoritatively without looking middle aged is less foreboding.

And friends . . . my personal style definitely needs help.  In a misguided effort to dress like a grown up for my first corporate job I miscalculated and ended up dressing like a frump.  On the day to day, my style definitely skews old, tired, and entirely too black.

How to overhaul my wardrobe and get back on track?  Of course I have a three point plan.

Point one--take risks.  I have this weird mental block/conviction that a lot of the clothes and fashion elements that I want to wear wouldn't look good on my body.  Hello-I've got boobs and thighs.  I can't wear miniskirts or horizontal stripes or anything form fitting or etc., etc.  If you do a round on the fatshion blogs then you know that's just not true.  Jay Miranda at Fatshionable is wearing the hell out of this Monif C dress.

Source

Point two--invest.  I stopped investing in fashion for a lot of reasons.  The quality of what I could afford meant I was wasting my money, nothing fit right, I didn't enjoy the process . . .  I need to move beyond that.  Clearly, a working and workable professional wardrobe is necessary-but I should also invest in clothes that are fun or that make me feel good. 

Point three--accessorize!  Nothing injects the personal into personal style like accessories.  Shoes, boots, jewelry . . . I used to love that kind of thing but I've since given it up.  I think it's key in my stagnated style.

Am I forgetting anything?

Dressing While Plus: The Empire Strikes Back

The main reason I've picked up sewing again is that I really, really want to wear cool clothes.  The realities of fashion make this difficult and/or expensive.

Plus sized clothes are available, however, my rather large breasticle issues create their own problems.

Take this dress, for example.

Source

It's an Old Navy maxi dress.  Cute, breezy, summery. . . I really, really like it.

I would never order this dress.

1. Old Navy no longer carries plus sizes in their stores.  (haters-I've been boycotting them ever since)  2. I don't believe in this whole, order it in your size and pay for it, just to try it on business.  What if I try it and don't like it?  Do I get my money back or will I be forced to shop for something else that I may not like?  I find that ridiculous.  (They tried to pull this one at David's Bridal too by the way)  3. The style of this dress, which makes it cute, is the same thing that would make it unlikely to fit.

Empire waists on the busty tend to ride up.  That line that is supposed to lie underneath the bust would insist on sitting on top of the bust.  That in turn would pull the skirt up and out which has the effect of making the unfortunate wearer look pregnant.

Friends, I spend a significant portion of my life worrying about whether or not my outfit makes me look pregnant.

The question: what's a girl to do?  The answer: make it her damn self!