Building a Life: Thirty Before Thirty

Source: wp.me via Danielle on Pinterest

I have read a lot of African American biography in my academic lifetime.  Nothing has ever been so thrilling, so inspiring, so thought provoking, or so awe-inspiring than reading about the lives of women who came of age in difficult times.  Women who survived and even thrived under incredible pressure.  Whatever your politics or personal views, I challenge anyone to read about women like Ida B. Wells-Barnett, Dorothy Height, or Anna Julia Cooper without being deeply impressed by their grit, their determination, their constant striving.

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That said, nothing has ever made me feel like more of a slacker in my life than Open Wide the Freedom Gates: A Memoir by Dorothy Height.  Of course I would recommend it-just be forewarned.  Ms. Height had accomplished more as a teenager than many of us will in a lifetime.  I read it in my early twenties and it made me a little melancholy. 

I wanted a life.  Of course I have a life or I wouldn't be writing or blathering about my tiny little problems on the internet.  I don't even mean to say I want a life like Dorothy Height's.  I suppose it would be most accurate to say I want a LIFE.  Italicized and underlined.

What does that mean?  At the end of my life-when I'm cramming for that exit exam and get all lame and religious-I want to look back on my life and have moments that are cause for real concern.  That line was mostly for giggles.  Really, I want to look back on my life and have moments, moments that are just mine and precious to me because they meant that I was there.  

I was a witness.  

I lived.

I have been working hard on rebuilding the life I had and recovering myself.  Now it is time to focus on moving forward.  My thirty before thirty list is about completing the work of recovery and beginning the work of moving forward.

• Prioritize mental health

• Establish a meditation practice

• Write a short fiction story

• Write a short non-fiction story

• Join a book club

• Write a poem

• Take a writing class

• Volunteer

• Learn an Olympic lift

• Paint a watercolor art piece.

• Post three times a week here

• Certify in another teaching field

• Be a poll worker in a presidential election

• Establish a research project

• Get a Maine Coon cat*

• Paint and decorate a room in my home

• Reconnect with

• My mother

• My brother

• My grandmother

• My aunt Shawna

• My big little sister

• My little little sister

• My aunt Flora

• Make a new friend

• Take a day vacation

• Get a massage

• Get my hair done at a salon

• Create a new family tradition

• Clean out my closets

• Get a tattoo

If I had to break this list into categories it would roughly section into: unfinished business, reclaiming the past, focusing on the future, and making home and family.

I will probably write more about each of these as I accomplish them.

*No this is not code for baby.  This is code for handsome cat.

Source: bit.ly via Nathalie on Pinterest

Fitspiration

I’m not sure exactly how I fell down the tumblr rabbit hole but I am pretty sure that it had a lot to do with a random link under an interesting picture.

There has been a lot of chatter in the media and on the Internet about obesity, health, and (either blatantly or covertly) race.  Heart disease, diabetes, and asthma seem to be conditions that disproportionately affect people of color but the overwhelming takeaway from reading articles and watching news reports is that people either don’t know or are unwilling to make the necessary lifestyle changes to correct the problems-diet and exercise.

This is far from the whole story-probably far from even a quarter of the story, of course.  But this explanation . . . is easy.  It is simple, short, and it gives us all plenty of time to bang out a pseudo-thoughtful facebook status that ends with a subtly judgmental smh. 

Building on that basis, it isn’t surprising that people of color don’t seem to have much of a presence in health and fitness imagery.  The myth that black people, particularly black women, don’t work out seems to be a reality, especially if you look at gym advertisements, fitness magazines, and commercials.

I stumbled into fitspiration because I went looking, specifically, for people who looked like me.  I did and didn’t find them.

Fitspo, like thinspo, is, apparently, a thing that exists now.  In one sense it’s always existed.  Everyone has ideas about aesthetics that are influenced by things that we’ve seen.  The difference today is that we have Pinterest and tumblr and the ability to somewhat obsessively monitor and disseminate every new image we see.

There are positives.  Pinterest is fairly useless as a search engine, but tumblr is where the real action is.  My favorite sites are Fit Black Girls and Curvesporation.  I had to pick two because while Fit Black Girls has images of women of color, these images are almost entirely of athletes, models, or women in peak physical condition.  

Fit Black Girls

Some of them stretch the imagination as far as what “fitness” means (is perching on an exercise ball holding three pound dumbbells while arching your back and showing as much cleavage as possible a fitness move?  Never heard of it) and some cater almost exclusively to the male gaze.  

Who is working out like this?

I'm not an expert on bikinis . . . but is it safe to say that this one is too small?

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Curvesporation has the same focus but it also contains more images of women who have not yet achieved goal weights, women who are not trying, and a body positive focus.

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When I obsessively check these sites, I tend to look at them with a satirical eye.  I can look at an image of an eight pack and think, “I should work out.”  I don’t think, “I have got to get a fucking eight pack. BY. ANY. MEANS. NECESSARY.”  I mean an eight pack is nice and all but if I have to walk around backlit and perpetually dewed with beads of sweat to really show it off, is it worth it? 

The problem with fitspo, much like thinspo, is that these images can become goals for people and the images themselves can be made up of so much fiction.  Photoshop, creative lighting, makeup, professional photographers . . . .  I know what you're thinking, what about the cell phone photos?  If any man has ever sent you a cell phone pic of his junk then you know that angles can be deceiving.  Also, Instagram.

These images aren’t goals for me . . .  yet I check them obsessively.  Why?  FBG helps me counteract the negativity directed towards black women in the media.  There are some "WTF! For real!" images on there, but for the most part it presents a powerful, and different, aesthetic.  Curvesporation, unlike some other sites, is very real food and healthy body positive.

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This article helped me gain more perspective on the issue and to pay more attention to where these images are coming from-especially the ones with ridiculous slogans.  Read it.  Please.  If you are into fitspo, please make sure that you monitor your responses to what you are seeing.  I ask myself if I feel motivated or de-motivated?  Does this make me happy?  Does this make me hate myself?  Am I becoming more mindful about making good choices or am I simply becoming anxious?

Fitness should be about self-care and your mental health is a big part of that.

The Weight

Take a load off Fanny.

I have taken a hiatus from the majority of my life for the last month or so.  Most of my time, effort, and attention has gone towards refining my nutrition and fitness.

Why?  Well, in January I discovered that I was very, very close to developing type two diabetes.  While I wasn't exhibiting any symptoms, my test results were right on the line.  Stress, trauma, poor eating habits, and depression have been wreaking havoc with my physical, mental, and emotional health for years and my body just could not stand up to the pressure any longer.

I can't accept that.  More to the point, I refuse to accept that.

So I've been working on me.  Since January, I have lost sixteen pounds and, more importantly, lowered my A1C by .7 points and my fasting blood sugars to under 100.

I use the resources at my disposal, including the university health center.  The health promotion department, particularly the nutritionist, is wonderful.  I have also been signing on for a healthy dose of therapy.*

I have tried to lose weight before under desperate mental and emotional circumstances without success.  These days, counseling is what is keeping this boat on smooth(er) waters.  The holistic approach, focusing on body and soul, is keeping me together.

It has not been easy.  Or cheap.  Or pretty.  So far it has been worth it.


*I could go on about black folks and our aversion to seeking mental health services-but that's a post for another day.

The Primal Blueprint: Reprogram Your Genes for Effortless Weight Loss, Vibrant Health, and Boundless Energy

I have been contemplating a lifestyle change for a while now.

There is so much that I want to see and do and I think that my level of health and fitness is holding me back.  Added to that, I'm not getting any younger and I want to avoid, if at all possible, the illnesses that have started to strike older family members.

Wes and I have flirted with primal eating before and it definitely had noticeable benefits for us.  We both visit Mark's Daily Apple a lot but this week I finally broke down and bought the whole book.

I am so glad that I did.*

Lately I have been doing the rounds at the health center.  I'm there so often and in so many different departments that people are starting to remember me.  I've visited my doctor, the nutritionist, my doctor again and so on and so forth.  I've asked a ton of questions and gotten a lot of information and I have to say-not all of it added up.  What I liked about this book is that things are laid out in ways that make sense and the disconnect between prescribed "best practices" and what actually happens in the body are pointed out and explained.

The emphasis is on nutrition but this book takes more of a holistic approach towards health that I really appreciate.  You should definitely give it a read, if not a try.

*I have been experimenting with primal eating for the last three days.  As I said, we've tried this before but this time I am paying more attention to what is happening in my body and monitoring any changes.