Line Drawn

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The guest list is quickly becoming the bane of our existence.  

 

Our various parental units are dragging their feet on contributing addresses and whatnot.  (Mama's all, "Look little girl, I only have one good one!"*  Har har.  She's all jokes all the time.)  I would like to have it set and solid as we would like to get an email Save the Date out to family and friends as soon as possible.  We also need to get invitations printed and assembled.

 

We aren't getting married until September but since most of our families live out of state it is a destination wedding for them.  We want them to have plenty of planning time if they would like to be here.  (And yep, we do actually want them to come)  Also-it's hard to move on with the rest of the planning when we aren't sure how much of anything we will need.  We are expecting, through our very scientific and mathematical reckoning a fifty percent or lower attendance rate.  We factored in things like geographical distance, perceived levels of familial responsibility, willingness to sacrifice vacation time, and burning desire to see rural Georgia up close and personal.  Basically, we are inviting 100 because we can't not invite everyone, expecting 50, and would be thrilled down to the ground with 25.

We went to a bridal expo and my hopes of foisting off some of the work to you know, actual vendors, were pretty much dashed.  It's pretty much going to be a DIT production down the line, especially if we are going to be able to afford any sort of catering.  Numbers will really determine whether peeps get a meal or a snack.  Because catering, my dears, is where I'm drawing the line.

We won't be cooking on our wedding day. We can bake, or "bake," or "make" the cake since that can be done beforehand and tasty-but-not-fancy shouldn't cost hundreds.  We might even make some cold sides because again, that can be done before.  As for cooking anything on the day of? I just don't wanna.

Which brings us back to numbers and timing.  If we are going to be making decorations, programs, cakes and planning activities and whatnot, we need to know how much and how many.   Or even if we have to make them.  If only ten people plan to attend we can get downright lavish. . . . lobsters for everyone!  Now don't get me wrong.  If having everyone I love there meant having to weave my own cloth and grow our own food and hunt our own game than that's what we would gladly do because that is the dream. 

If not though . . . I will outsource that #$@& in a minute!

*My mother had a major stroke a couple of years ago and is still regaining use of her left leg.  Upon occasion she finds this enormously humorous and incredibly useful.  She's awesome like that.

Getting it Up

Wedding planning is like sex when you're too sleepy, or too full, or only kind of into it, or headachy, or thinking about something else.

It can be done. . . . but probably not well.

That is just where Wes and I have been with this here shindig.

We have a vision.  (Vision is both more and less twee than "theme" so it's perfect).  We want to have a casual, fun, kind of lazy, happy picnic in the park wedding.  I like to call it our "Farewell Summer" party with an overlying theme of "Shit We Like".  (That last sentence is like I was momentarily possessed by Martha Stewart and I'm talking about my annual Hampton's party where everyone wears white and drinks wine and is bourgeois and then . . . the real me re-establishes dominance at the very end.)

We know when it's going down.  We're doing the damn thing on September 1st which is kind of like the prelude to actual fall.

We know how much we want to spend.  As close to $1000.00 as possible.  Why no . . . . no we don't smoke crack.

The question is. . . can it be done?  And can it be done well?

Until recently the answer was. . .  maybe.

Even though the stage is pretty much set, the course plotted, we have been dragging our feet on actual execution, aka, parting with cold hard cash.

Sure we dipped our toes in on smaller details.  Ordering fabric swatches and designing our invitations--not that we have actually made them yet.

The next step will be getting some quotes to see how much, if any, of the work can be outsourced.  I have been slacking on that, mostly because I'm a little worried about reactions to the whole, "So, how much do you have to spend?" question.  I'm anticipating shock. . .  or incredulous laughter. . . or maybe they might actually faint.

That could be kind of cool.

What's In a Name?

First, a little exercise.

Suggest to a man that upon marriage, he should change his last name to yours.  Study his reaction.

Exactly.

I do not want to and will not be changing my last name when Wes and get married.

Why won't I?

Well. . . why would I?


Is there any practical purpose to changing your name midstream in your life?  Why are women, for the most part, expected to do it?  Is there a point to any of it?

Beyond that, I do have several reasons for not wanting to change my name (and only one of them has anything to do with avoiding the DMV)

• By the time Wes and I get married, I will have been myself for 28 years.  I'm not a beta version with kinks that still need to be worked out.  I'm the real deal.
• My name doesn't define me, but I have struggled to define myself, live for myself and carve out my own identity.  I know, from first hand experience, how easy to lose yourself in the roles you play.  I'm thinking particularly of women who identify themselves as "Mommy" or "Wifey" or whatever.  I find that very creepy and weird.  Like being vegan.
• I know there are services who will deal with the paperwork for you.  They call themselves cutesy things like Miss Now Mrs.  Nuff said.  NEXT!
• I know people like to think of it as creating a new family.  A family is a family whatever it's called and trading one family name for another isn't really creating a new family.  Now for those daring individuals who mishmash their last names into something completely new. . . touche.
• I find hyphenation kind of pretentious and in our case it would be definitely pretentious.  Let's just say Wesley-Franklin or Franklin-Wesley would make you think our children would be named things like Muffy and Biff.  Also who gets to come first? (Dirty! LMAO)
• A variation on point number one. . . it's just not me.
• Yes I am a feminist.

So . . . what are we going to do?

*And a note, I recognize that this name I'm so attached to came from my father.  Here's a shocker. . . I have absolutely no problem with that patriarchal tradition.  I think of it as an honor that men who accept the role and responsibility of parenting should have.

Wedding Realities-Floral Edition

I fantasize about this

But the budget ain't having it.

We are at that point in our wedding planning process when we look at what we have to work with and what is available for what prices. . .  and just kind of despair.  So much so that I broke one of my rules and ranted--for a full fifteen minutes to an unsuspecting co-worker about the ridiculous pricing of all things wedding related.

Yep. . . that says 100.00 dollars people!

She wasn't exactly enthralled but surely somebody out there feels where I'm coming from!

Are there less expensive options to real flowers? Yes of course.

Ribbon bouquets . .. Brooch bouquets. . .

Both awesome.  Then there's this one. . . made from fabric and completely gorgeous.

  

So why not go with something like this?

Because it's a lot of damn work, lol.  I say that lightly but seriously, I am well aware that there are very beautiful, very crafty ways around having real flowers.  When if comes down to it, I may have to adopt one of those ways to make a floral sort of thing happen at this here wedding.  

The dirty, dirty truth is that this is one of those times where I would just rather spend the money.  There is already an insane amount of DIT going into this shindig.  Is it sensible or sane to add more?

All that can be said today is thank God it's not going down until September!

Wedding Trends, Originality, and How It Is Done

I have, in my lifetime, attended four weddings.  One of those was in the early 90s but was 80s enough to involve shoulder pads.  The other two were aesthetic tragedies.  I'd tell the stories but you wouldn't believe me.  My lack of experience with the beast, therefore, meant that our decision to have a wedding meant that I would have to do some research into How such at thing Is properly Done.*

I found my people on the indie bridal blogosphere.  I also found this. . .

 

Common themes.  Wedding trends if you will.  Some more indie than others, but there are definite parallels.

I don't mind being trendy.  I rather enjoy it when it comes to fashion, personal style, decor, whatever.  However, as someone who struggles daily to be brave enough to be my authentic self, my wedding inspiration* feels a little too mainstream and unoriginal.

Is it still us?  Well, yes, it is inherently us.  We picked a location we loved that would be fun for our family and friend.  We don't have the blunt for formal and fancy but that's okay because that's not who we are anyway.  We are a little old-fashioned stylistically.  We like the homemade look.  We want it to be something we can do ourselves.  We are both a little bit country and a little bit rock and roll but way too fucking cool for the Osmonds.  We are casual and a little nerdy but sometimes we want to be the cool kids.  We are, apparently, what Meg over at A Practical Wedding describes as "blog chic."

We are a trend.  I don't know how I feel about that.

*Fun fact about me # 2.  I can't carry around, peruse, or even pay too much attention to bridal magazines because I feel like someone is watching me and somehow mocking me.  It's like being seen reading one of those good ole fashioned bodice ripping romance novels.  Embarrassing!

No Brides, Knot, or whatever glossy magazine with some white chick in a strapless gown on the cover for me.  I looked to the internets--as I so often do.  Double fail.  We don't have thousands of dollars to waste/spend on a wedding.  If we did, my conscience wouldn't let me.  I'm weird like that.

*More on this later . . .

How To Plan a Wedding When No One Cares About Your Wedding

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What do you do when you find yourself planning a wedding without a breathlessly excited, overly invested, or frustratingly micromanaging audience of family, friends, and bridesmaids? What do you blog, bitch, moan, or complain about when no one will be annoyed, insulted, or even overly concerned about what you have going on at any moment of the day or night?

Blueprint for a Revolution

“We are getting married.”

Wes and I have taken to repeating this to each other at random moments. It is both a reminder and a statement of intent.

“We are getting married.” It is that real people.