First, a little exercise.
Suggest to a man that upon marriage, he should change his last name to yours. Study his reaction.
I do not want to and will not be changing my last name when Wes and get married.
Why won't I?
Well. . . why would I?
Is there any practical purpose to changing your name midstream in your life? Why are women, for the most part, expected to do it? Is there a point to any of it?
Beyond that, I do have several reasons for not wanting to change my name (and only one of them has anything to do with avoiding the DMV)
- By the time Wes and I get married, I will have been myself for 28 years. I'm not a beta version with kinks that still need to be worked out. I'm the real deal.
- My name doesn't define me, but I have struggled to define myself, live for myself and carve out my own identity. I know, from first hand experience, how easy to lose yourself in the roles you play. I'm thinking particularly of women who identify themselves as "Mommy" or "Wifey" or whatever. I find that very creepy and weird. Like being vegan.
- I know there are services who will deal with the paperwork for you. They call themselves cutesy things like Miss Now Mrs. Nuff said. NEXT!
- I know people like to think of it as creating a new family. A family is a family whatever it's called and trading one family name for another isn't really creating a new family. Now for those daring individuals who mishmash their last names into something completely new. . . touche.
- I find hyphenation kind of pretentious and in our case it would be definitely pretentious. Let's just say Wesley-Franklin or Franklin-Wesley would make you think our children would be named things like Muffy and Biff. Also who gets to come first? (Dirty! LMAO)
- A variation on point number one. . . it's just not me.
- Yes I am a feminist.
*And a note, I recognize that this name I'm so attached to came from my father. Here's a shocker. . . I have absolutely no problem with that patriarchal tradition. I think of it as an honor that men who accept the role and responsibility of parenting should have.